Things That Should Never Happen!

My mind is flaring with pain, and my eyes are barely open, but I need to say what I’m about to say before I pass out.

I’m a Muslim, and I condemn what’s happening all over the Middle East in protest for the release of the video insulting the Prophet Mohammad. We’re Muslims, which is a religion of peace, and yet you go out there storming embassies and killing people that are just doing their jobs. Even if they did insult him, you cannot kill them. I don’t know how else to say it. Who are we to pass judgment on them, and not even execute them but brutally murder them. There’s a verse in the Quran that says that if you kill a human being it’s like killing everyone else. There are only very, and I mean very specific cases when you can kill someone, and it’s definitely not to kill all the US ambassadors and anyone working in an Embassy. What are you accomplishing by attacking embassies?

 I know how this looks to everyone reading about these events in the news. I myself find myself judging individuals for the hate crimes they’ve committed. But I would like to point out, even though most will not believe me, that a true would never do such a thing. Unfortunately nowadays, in a lot of areas in the Middle East Islam is not practiced correctly, and most of the people there only know what their parents have taught them and no nothing of the actual religion. Because of these individuals every single Muslim is put under a spotlight and we are judged for beliefs that are not ours. To everyone who’s been hurt by one of these Muslims I apologize, but that’s not what Islam is. They might call themselves Muslims, but would you call a Christian Christian if they don’t believe in Jesus. These individuals are going against everything Islam stands for.

My condolences go to the families of the people who’ve lost someone in the ordeals, and to anyone that’s been hurt by things that simply should never happen.  

Bored

I never thought I'd say this, but having nothing to do sucks. Not in the sense that you're thinking about. I've had a pretty rough month, with 8AM-8PM days (at least), this past Wednesday was a 7Am-11PM day. Yet now, on a Friday night, not only am I too tired to go out, I also have to wake up at 8AM to give tours for 7 hours straight, I still find myself sitting here at 2AM being bored. I can't fall asleep, too tired to get any work done, and I'm getting pissed off at some of the organizations I'm involved in. I won’t name them, because they're awesome, except I'm an exec and somehow I have absolutely nothing to do in these organizations. Have you ever felt like you weren’t needed for anything, but had to be present for no reason? Well that's how I feel. I'm a treasurer in one of them, and we're organizing a 300 person conference. You'd think the treasurer would have a lot to do, but no, I have nothing. They tell me to send out an email a week, and it's pissing me off. I'm either the god damn treasurer or I'm not, I'd like to know. I never thought I’d hate not being given work, because that's exactly what I loved. I always wanted to be overlooked, so I can have less work. So what the hell is wrong with me now? But I still want to know. I'm busy enough as it is, so it's either I’m all in or I’m all out. I guess I’ll have to wait and see.

LIVING

I've been feeling a bit down lately. Emptiness has crept into my life, and I don't fully know why. My past is haunting me (again), like I’m sure it haunts every one of us. Always creeping in the back of your mind, pushing memories back into your dreams, and the moment you feel almost alright it creeps back in and shatters your world.

It doesn't shatter me like it used to, for one I’m no longer calculated the speed of a moving car to see if it'd actually kill me if I jumped in front of it. Nor am I wondering how many stories it'd take to kill me as swiftly as possible.

I've never tried killing myself because for some reason I believe in Hell. I know most people say they believe in God, and heaven and I do believe in those things. But hell is what keeps me going, because so many people need to be thrown in there, and there are a few people I can never forgive, and I can never accept that they'll go unpunished. So I believe in hell. I believe that one day all those assholes will be there, the people that hurt others and never pay for it. And thus I couldn’t kill myself, because in my religion if you kill yourself you go straight to hell. And facing those assholes for the rest of eternity was far worse than facing them in my memories, or even occasionally in real life. Despite everything I have some hilarious stories to go along with those very few occasions, but to me they were never funny.

That kind of thinking was melded into my mind for over two years. Before that came depression, for three years (I think), there was a time where I’d tell people that I want to kill myself. I begged for help, but there was no one there, and when I finally gave up I was relieved. I used to think that people that commit suicide are assholes, because they're so selfish that they don’t care that they're hurting everyone they've ever known. And then I understood, and I stopped caring, and then that ounce of hope was taken away from me. But then things got better. One day I woke up and realized I wasn’t going to die that day, or the day after that, perhaps I’d live for another 60 years, or maybe a few hours. No matter, I wanted to have a good life for that time period. I didn’t care when I died anymore, but I told myself that I deserved a better life for that time. That I should be living my life as I await death. 

I never truly started living, but I changed my life. I left the hell I was in, I ripped the venomous people out of my life, and I got a better life. It was never perfect, but I tried things I never would have. Some of those things sucked, others were awesome. I met some amazing people, and some terrible ones. I even met amazing people that simply didn’t fit into my life. They made me feel bad, but nevertheless they were good people, but I replaced them with less awesome people that made me feel better about myself. 

All in all I ran away. I ran away from the country I was living in, the friends that were hurting me, and everything. But in life you can't run, and some of that will always creep back into your life. That's what happened this summer. Everything came back, and I wasn’t sure I can handle it. But I told myself it was only for a couple of months, and then it'd be over, but something’s followed me here. My worthlessness, my failures, they're everywhere now, and I need to stop running away from them. I need to finally face them, and make the best out of them. They’ll always be a part of me, but maybe; just maybe, someday they'll be a good part of me. I might never trust anyone ever, and maybe I will, but it doesn’t matter. I won’t judge my life by how normal I’ve become, or how much I can trust people, but by how much I change in it every day attempting to find something better.

Here's to living life to the fullest, or living the best life you can until living is more appealing than dying, and if you never achieve that then live awaiting a lost lover that will be sweeter with a better life.

BACK

So I'm finally back in school. We actually started yesterday, but I’ve been here for the past three weeks for RA training and everything. I haven’t posted anything in quite a while, and honestly I don’t really have anything to share. Training was hell, for a while, before I realized that the RA's are awesome, and then it wasn’t too bad. My residents are pretty awesome, hopefully everything will go smoothly this year, and if it doesn’t hopefully I won’t have a lot of paperwork to fill out. But surprisingly other than that nothing has happened. For god's sake I traveled like 3000 miles, yet there's nothing worth talking about. I haven’t worked on my book for the longest time, and honestly I doubt I’ll be able to work on it anytime soon. This means I need to delay trying to publish it until at least next year. I was always hoping to have it finalized by winter break, and to start sending query letters in December or the beginning of 2013, but that doesn’t seem likely anymore. I had a roommate for a couple of days this week. My first roommate ever needed a place to stay for a couple of days. It's safe to say that things didn’t end up well, like always I suppose. I want to say that something interesting is happening with my life but honestly it feels empty, despite my schedule being filled all the time. I don’t know if something is wrong, but it feels like it, even though there really shouldn’t be anything wrong.

The HOBBIT!

So it's been confirmed that the Hobbit will be turned into three movies. I know, I was surprised when I heard the news, having read the book myself all those years ago I honestly didn’t see why they wanted to turn it into two books in the first place. But I have faith in peter Jackson, and honestly I thought that the Hobbit lacked something compared to the Lord of The Rings. It was a great book, don’t get me wrong, but at the same time it could've been better. I mean lord of the rings was amazing, and it's one of the main reasons I write, so anything compared to it won’t quite match it. But Peter Jackson announced that he's going to add other material, which I think is a brilliant idea, and even though the execs are thinking $$$ I really think he'll make three awesome movies, at least I hope so. 

20!

I haven’t posted anything in a while, it's not that I had nothing to say or talk about, but I guess I wasn’t up to sharing anything yet. But a lot has happened over the past few weeks: I became an uncle, and I finish the first draft of my novel, surprisingly both on the same day, July 11th. Okay I’ll admit I pushed myself that last day so they can be both on the 11th. 

I managed to cut almost 70k words out of my earlier draft. I don’t know how I did it but somehow it worked out in the end. And now I’ll I need is to finalize this draft before going through the final edit. But I’ve been a bit lazy ever since I finished it. I don’t really like editing, heck I don’t think anyone does, but I have to finish it eventually. I’m planning to get through this edit before the 5th, which is when I get to go back to the US.

20! I know that sounds pretty old, and a bit strange, but I just turned 20. I don’t really know what to expect from my 20's but hopefully this decade will be a lot better than the last. 

Politicians and Shoes

So what do Politicians have to do with Shoes? Well watch the video and see for yourself.

This by the way, is a perfect example of the government in Arab countries. i'm not saying the people are like this, and most people are disgraced by being represented by people like these two, but unfortunately more often than not they don't have a say.

Enjoy!