Different Corners of the World

Do you know what's the worst thing you can go through? Maybe not the worst because you can always imagine the impossible happened. but something extremely bad. Something that tears you apart more than you're already torn apart. The worst thing is if you're crying for help yet there's no on there to help, no one listens to your pleas, and you're all alone. I remember going through that. I remember accepting my depression and then wanting to kill myself, but right between those two I called for help. I used to tell everyone i wanted to die, I even told them I counted how high building are, and how fast cars are going to see if they'd actually kill me and not just leave me paralyzed  Yet no one listened, and I was alone, and before long it escalated and killing myself was the sweetest thing. 

I'm not bringing this up because i'm back to that, in fact I couldn't be happier (God I hope that's not true). But I was informed this morning that one of my sisters is talking to a friend of mine. I know that doesn't sound alarming, but they've never met, I've never introduced them, and they live a few thousand miles apart. My sister couldn't talk to anyone about her issues, so she looked to my friend all the way in Norway. She's depressed, like I'm sure at least half my sisters are. My parents are probably as well, but no one acknowledges any of it. And I fear that they'll suffer the same fate I did, and go so far down they never escape it. because even now, nearing happiness as I am, I see death as a sweeter delight that life. and I don't think I'll ever want to live more than to die.

I know this is my fault because I left, but honestly I would've made them more miserable by being there  I'm a terrible brother  and a terrible human being, and sometimes I think that if I died, or even faked my death they'd be better off. but I know that's not true, because love is a poison running through our hearts, and for whatever reason they love me, and in a weird sort of way I love my family. Yet we're all paralyzed by hopelessness and the different corners of the world life has put us in. I'll never be able to live with them again, and honestly I don't think i'll ever have anyone other than them. I will be alone forever, and forever never seems to end.