3 Wasted Weeks

Today really sucked, for one I discovered it was Wednesday and not Tuesday, which means I wasted 3 weeks doing absolutely nothing. My friend’s situation seems to be over, but who knows. 

I've been pretty sick these past few days, I don't understand why. Ever since I can remember I get sick once or twice a year maximum. It’s also always the same, my throat gets infected and I’m out for 2-3 days. So imagine my surprise when my stomach started killing me, and I had a fever for about a week, twice in three weeks. This shouldn't be happening to me! I think it's all psychological. I think I hate here so much that my body is acting out. I think what makes it worse is that my family hasn’t realized. I don’t know how, I’m coughing and dying right in front of them. This isn’t the first time though!

The good news is I’m back to writing, if barely. I’m kind of stuck though; I need to turn my 150k word novel to about 100k. How can you cut about 50k out of your novel? I think I’m overreacting, but this book has been a part of my life for almost 7 years now. Cutting 50k words feels like I’m cutting out 3 years of my life. I’m also not sure what to cut out. I have a general idea, but how can you ever be sure what will work or not? On the bright side I decided to stay working on it for at least another year before trying to publish it. I love writing, and if I get published it'll be because I want to give the world something it needs and not for the money. I think I just wanted to break free from my family and pay my own tuition and everything. I also wanted to help others, I know so many people that need help, and it sucks that I can’t help them.

I know I mentioned how much I hate it here, but what I hate the most is its effect on me. I dream of the day when coming here will be alright and won’t cause me to throw up every few minutes. Someday I’ll grow past all of this, and this place will be irrelevant to my life.