Sunday, November 25, 2012

I'm Done!

I'm Done!! Finally!!

Okay I know I said I finished my novel this past summer on July 11th to be exact, and I did, but that was a bullshit ending, and there was still some editing that needs to be done, but today as of 5:17 AM this wonderful Sunday morning I am officially and completely finished. I fixed up my ending, and the story, and the best thing of all is that I got it to less than 100k words, granted it's only shorted by 13 words, but still...
Of course there will be more editing to be done, when I find some Beta-readers, the two people I told can read it kind of stopped, I don't know if they thought it was that bad or if they were actually busy, but I don't care, because even if it sucks I like it. For the first time since I started writing which was exactly seven years ago, I'm proud of one of my novels. This is a book I'd want to read, and if no one else wants to then that's their loss. All I've ever wanted was to create a novel I can reread, because I've never reread a book, because I get too bored, but this is the first one of my books that I reread without changing it completely.

Of course these past couple of weeks sucked, I discovered I'm depressed again, practically failing all my classes, and everything sucks, but I'm done writing my first book, so fuck you world!

Oh, and happy thanksgiving!

Saturday, November 17, 2012

Memories

I was reading a couple of my earlier posts earlier today, and I can't believe that I wrote this stuff. Not that it's wonderful, but it's so different than how I feel at the moment. I remember feeling the way I did as I wrote the posts, but at the same time I barely remember that person now.

Something I realized while I was depressed is the fact that I'd do things, I just wouldn't really remember them. Everything would blur together, and days felt like years, and years were a single memory.

I don't even know why I'm talking about this anymore. I refuse to be depressed, yet I'm tired, and all the symptoms are showing up again. I'm being ripped away from my life, and I don't know what to do.

Sunday, November 11, 2012

Better days

There's something about life and relationships that terrifies me. I don't know what it is, but I need to admit to myself first and foremost that I'm terrified. It might be the fact that I've always wanted to stand out, to matter, I suppose, and if I were like everyone else I'd be irrelevant. Which is really funny because I've wanted to be irrelevant for so long, because I didn't want my family to be hurt when I finally died, or killed myself. I don't why but I feel like crap today.

Everyone says you don't know what you have until it's gone. But no one ever says you don't know how bad you have it until you see something better. This past weekend I went to a conference, and I literally had the time of my life. It was amazing, concerts and comedy shows pretty much all day, it was amazing. It made me realize that this place isn't as perfect as I think it is.

I'll be up all night doing homework, and drowning myself in my sorrows, and then I'll wake up and it'll be a better day, or maybe in a week it'll be a better week... or someday it will be. All I know is that dying isn't the best thing for me anymore, I mean why rush to hell right?