A Broken Boston

Highway on Fire

On my way back home yesterday a portion of the 495 was on fire. The middle of the highway was literally on fire. Cars moved by slowly, smoke rushed into every single car and we drove away, as if nothing was wrong.

That’s the state Massachusetts is in right now.

I remember thinking what is happening to Massachusetts. This morning I woke up at 6 AM, all the radio stations could talk about was the death of one of the bombers and the escape of his brothers (don’t ask me how someone can escape once you found them). Bombs were apparently going off in certain places, the cops were triggering bombs to make sure the area was secure, it was crazy. Yet we all drove to work, to school to wherever, as if nothing was happening. It wasn’t until a few moments ago until I discovered why.

 It’s something I’ve done my entire life.

We’re dissociating ourselves from this situation, like I did throughout my life. It’s not something you think about, but rather something that happens on its own without the person realizing its happening. You look into your life from the third person, as if you’re not you, and you move on with your life. I can’t be 100% sure, I’m no psychologist, but I’m pretty sure that’s what’s happening. I wonder if every war is like that, or every attack.

Blocked memories returning

Someday those memories will come back; I pray for everyone’s sakes that it’s sooner rather than later. I’ve blocked everything out for years, dissociated myself for 20 years, and look at me now. When everything came back all at once it literally broke me. I hope it doesn’t break Boston like my life has broken me.