Depression and Home

I've known for quite some time now that I hate living in Jordan. I don't hate the country, in fact i'm fine with visiting for a couple of weeks a year. What I'm not fine with is living there. Today, after years of depression and being suicidal I discovered there's most definitely a link between being depressed and the place you live. Jordan made me depressed, and suicidal for 2 years, and now after more than a year of being out of it I'm depressed again. It was very surprising because I didn't I had a reason to be, but today I actually wanted to kill myself. Again this is very strange, because i've been doing pretty good, and there's nothing bad happening in my life. I am tired, and i've never actually found it easier or more pleasant to be alive than to be dead, but still, killing myself.. I mean come on, I'm becoming like those people that kill themselves just because they're bored. Later in the day though I discovered that I didnt want to kill myself, and in fact everytime I'm outside i'm happy, it's just being in room that's depressing. All that made me think about Jordan, and how for a while this summer sucked cuz I was staying in my old room, the same room I imagined killing myself a million ways, and I realized that outside that room I was fine, it was always the room.